Preaching Tool Question 2: Are there opportunities to identify, name and call out Domestic & Family Violence and abuse or attitudes that support it?
Understanding the issues
I was impressed by a speaker talking about radical obedience to God because they took a moment to acknowledge that for those who had experienced abuse, the word obedience may have been misused against them. They explained Godly obedience does not control and condemn, there is no locked door with God. God is a God of freedom. Then the speaker continued. It was a low key insert, but powerful.
Possibilities to watch out for
For Example:
| If I’m talking about … | Can I name … |
|---|---|
| Marriage | God’s intentions for marriage never include abuse |
| Violence | DFV and abuse is never okay |
| Sin | DFV and abuse is a crime and not merely a matter of private morality |
| Power | Power used to control others is sinful |
| Finances | Coercive control of another’s money is abuse |
| Spiritual leadership | Leadership is not about domination or control |
| Culture and community | We know DFV and abuse happens in our context and it’s not okay |
| Conflict and relationships | DFV and abuse requires intervention, it is not merely conflict that can be resolved by couples counselling |
| Divorce | A person experiencing DFV may need to leave to be safe |
| Sex | Mutuality and consent are essential |
| Living in a broken world | Our church is a safe space to disclose abuse and we want to help |
Practical suggestions
Demonstrate the reality and prevalence of DFV and abuse
Use community statistics, latest studies and relevant research
– eg. “If 1 in 3 women experience sexual assault, we know that it likely affects women in this room or women that we know.”
Emphatically state the unacceptability of behaviours and attitudes
– e.g. “Perpetrating DFV is reportable conduct and we are committed to participating in appropriate denominational and legal responses.”
– e.g. “It is part of our discipleship to hold one another to account and address harmful attitudes and actions.”
Give explanation of language
When you are using a term related to abuse and violence, give people a definition.
– eg “By domestic abuse, I mean ‘an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour.'”
Provide pathways for accessing help for both victims & perpetrators
Name your church’s willingness and existing ways to provide support
– e.g. “We encourage you to get help…these are the people you could talk to.”
Identify resources and services in your wider community you can refer people to
– e.g. “If your behaviour is controlling, threating, degrading and violent, we can refer you to places where you can get the help you need.”
Further resources
Trigger warning: Domestic abuse including sexual abuse within marriage
VIDEOS
No room for abuse
Victor Owuor, Cross-Cultural and Indigenous Ministries Pastor with Baptist Churches Western Australia
Recorded in 2021
"FINANCIAL ABUSE"
Maria Comino, Child, Family and Youth Project Worker, Community Builders Team, Relationships Australia
Kelly Crawford, Public Engagement Coordinator Baptist Association NSW & ACT
Recorded in 2021
Additional Resource: Women’s Financial Wellbeing Guide: https://www.commbank.com.au/women-in-focus/womens-financial-wellbeing-guide.html
"COERCIVE CONTROL"
Kelly Crawford, Public Engagement Coordinator Baptist Association NSW & ACT
Carolyn Cousins, Director, Tuned in Consulting and Convenor of the Clinical Division of the Australian College of Social Work, Chair of Baptist Association NSW & ACT Standards Committee
Josh Dowton, Executive Pastor, Northside Baptist Church
Recorded in 2021
Additional Resources: “See what you made me do” by Jess Hill
The Freedom Programme: http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php
“Responding to domestic abuse from the perspective of a First Nations Woman”
Sharon Malone, Wakka Wakka, kabi kabi woman, from “A Sister’s Strength”
Elissa Macpherson, President of Baptist Women of the Pacific, Vice-President of Baptist World Alliance Women
Recorded in 2021
“Addressing domestic abuse in Chinese and Korean Communities”
Kelly Crawford, Public Engagement Coordinator Baptist Association NSW & ACT
Sunny Kim, Child, Family and Youth Project Worker
Jian Hua, Child, Family and Youth Support Worker Relationships Australia, NSW
Recorded in 2021
“Men's Behavioural Change”
Bruce Chan, Men’s Behaviour Change Practitioner and Trainer
Kelly Crawford, Public Engagement Coordinator Baptist Association NSW & ACT
Recorded in 2021
The Attorney General’s Department accredits men’s behaviour programs. They also provide a list of principles you should look for before recommending any program. To locate one in your state (Australia) go to: https://mensline.org.au/family-violence/changing-for-good/